Fortune Cookie #11-Small towns

You know you are from my town when:

 nothing is open until 10:30 AM and it all closes at 5:00 PM.

it wouldn't matter if everything opened earlier and stayed up later anyway because there is nothing to do in your town except drink coffee.

there is no stoplight. Not one.

(These next four happened to me today--but ALL of these are completely true)

You don't have policemen, you have deputies and a sheriff, and the deputies are all like, your grandparents. You can be graffitying  up the neighborhood and they walk by and start talking to you about baking some cookies for their daughter's bridal shower. :)

When you see that sheriff, you aren't graffitying to be bad--no one does that--but the people who owned the building specifically requested you do so.

You cannot go for a walk without at least seven people pulling their cars over and asking if you need a ride--and they all know your name and where you live, plus they changed your diapers when you were a baby.

You go to the store and see at least five people you know.

You can't help going out with your best friend's ex-boyfriend because there AREN'T other fish in the sea--in fact, he's your ex-boyfriend and your sister's ex-boyfriend too.

You go to an R-rated movie and your parents come halfway through the movie to pick you up because it has already spread through town that you snuck out. (same with cussing--you say one word and everyone knows about it within the next 24 hours)

the teachers help you cheat on assignments--because you babysat their kid last night.

School on Wednesday starts three hours late because on Tuesday night everyone was at 'the game'.

Sports are seasonal--fall is when all of the boys play football and all of the girls play powderpuff. Winter is when the whole school plays basketball and swimming--the practices are at different times in the day so you can do both. Late winter, early spring is basbeball for all the boys and softball for all the girls. Spring is lacrosse and track for the whole school. Summer is soccer for everyone. But football is of course the best sport that everyone attends.

Football games are attended by the whole town just for socializing--no one watches the game because they know Corbin has it all covered and the team will just win the game.

The nearest hospital is forty-five minutes away--in another town.

There is no mall.

There is only one high school.

There are only 1000 people in the town.

Your McDonalds got burned down--twice--because it was the only thing in town that was not locally owned.

The front of the newspaper is always a story about little Sydney Smith and her 4H goats or how Kelly and Mike are taking people hiking up {one of many mountains we live in the feet of} this Saturday.

You have a section in the newspaper called Sheriff's Calls that are the sheriff's call log for the week, and the stories are about: squirrels getting caught in peoples' chimneys, the name of every day that got hit that week, the sheriff's personal phone number for the "Hot" woman who called him on Thursday to scare the coyote out of her chicken house.

:)

And there are more, I am sure. These are the only ones I personally have noticed though.